Dating Deal Breakers

Just when you thought that your home life was all wrapped up, BOOM.

Due to any number of circumstances, and I say this with no judgement, you might find that you are now back on the list of singletons in your area. It happens. You might mourn over it or rejoice. You might plan for months or even years on how to carefully take appropriate revenge, especially if there is someone named “Big Breasted Young Barbie” involved. Yet, eventually the smoke clears.

With clear air, comes the dawn of a new age. The age of dating or more precisely, dating with age. If you are near or over 55 ladies, it does not mean that the search for a partner, if you still want one, is over. You are still flirty, sexy, engaging, intelligent, vivacious and most importantly, you are experienced. You might snore a bit, have a few lines and a few more pounds, but you have developed standards. Standards that may have escaped you in your early years. Standards currently known to the ladies already in the dating field, as “Dating Deal Breakers”.

To be clear, “Dating Deal Breakers” are behaviors, characteristics or quirks of a person that almost instantly repel you. These acts quickly change the person you are or were considering dating from an acceptable “I Would Do Him” to a “Never Again & Let’s Not Talk About It ” list. It is an act by the datee (that is the one you are dating), doing or not doing a thing,

that when learned, makes your face unable to hide disgust or embarrassment. An act which unavoidably,

and without your awareness, makes your face look like

you have been chewing a bitter lime or lemon rind.

Dear sisters, I have done you a favor.

I have compiled a list of some of my gal pals absolute deal breakers.

If you have been off the market and out of touch for a time, it is not your fault. You are utterly unprepared. Please, listen and learn from those who have run the gauntlet before you. Don’t waste your precious time. For Botox's sake, don’t waste what is left of the pretty!

When you first notice any these things, just run for the nearest exit. Leave your undies behind if you have to. “Ghosting” status now applies to your once charming datee.

Dating Deal Breakers List

Guys Wearing Speedos

You are on a beach date and surprise. He shows up wearing a speedo.

Give me a "Hell NO"! Not even in Europe. No one wants to see a guy’s bait and tackle, up close and personal, on display even if he thinks he is a Bo Derek “10”.

If interested, we ladies will check that out later.

For the record.......women, children and some men are embarrassed for speedo guy!

*Found most offensive in leopard print, metallic gold, bright yellow and all thong versions.

Wearing Spandex Man Leggings

Like above…but now you had a date to meet him in the gym. To your unexpected joy he shows up in super spray on guy leggings and a tee. For the record, spandex spray on guy leggings need shorts on tip, I mean on top, for some modesty. No shorts, then quickly head for the lockers and exit out the back, before the people in the gym who know you by name figure out he is looking for you!

Bike Pants Worn When Not Biking

I get that specific sports outfits are required for certain activities no matter how ridiculous one might look while wearing it. However, such attire is for use while doing the activity and not for additional coffee dates that follow. Biking outfits are fairly questionable to begin with by having both extremely bold colors & logos, which are worn super tight like sausage casing and with pants that make everyone look like they are wearing adult diapers. Then there is that attractive penis tip shaped helmet too. A real chick magnet. Pass, if he shows up in these.

Shower Caps

Yes, shower caps have a true purpose. Some ladies use them to protect high maintenance hair procedures, like straightening, ironing and curling. Guys who use shower caps are just too high maintenance. We all saw Tim Allen wearing one in The Santa Claus Movie. Scarred me forever. Deal Breaker Baby!

Short Running Shorts in Magnum PI (Tom Selleck) Beige

Running shorts also have a true purpose. Running. However, ultra-short ones that look like undies, especially in a nude beige are just disturbing. He really wants to be a naked runner.

You Run.

Tighty-Whities Under Pants

These are the man version of girl granny panties. Some are worn super tight and some are big and butt baggy. They are the same undies guys wore when they were little kids, only a bigger model. Yes, a young Tom Cruise made them work in a movie years ago while dancing and sliding across a floor with “Old Time Rock and Roll” music blaring, however, he is not wearing them in Mission Impossible, is he? It is a NO!

White Socks with Gym Shoes or Sandals (when pulled up like knee socks)

Unless the guy lives in East LA and wears them with a white tee and long baggy black chino shorts, it is not mandatory, therefore…….unacceptable.

My dad did it and it was hell of scary.

Skinny Long Ponytails on a Mostly Bald Guy

I think a man should just be real. If you are balding, own it! Shave it down and wear it proud. The tail just makes a guy look out of touch, out of date and desperately trying to hold onto his youth via what is left of his long-gone hair.

He just looks more like Smeagol and his “precious” is that pinky sized pony tail he is sporting.

We ladies are not fooled. Pass!

Toupees, the Great Comb Over and Spray on Hair

Repeat above. Let me mention: John Travolta, Nicholas Cage, John Cusack, even some country’s President.

Like I said, not fooling anyone. Guy’s hair pieces just look really fake. They are all one flat color and usually not even real hair but some synthetic doll like hair with a high gloss sheen.

Dead obvious.

Excessive or Long Nose, Ear, Eyebrow Hairs

We ladies coiffe. Guys should do the same. Nothing says sexy and I want you to sleep with me quite like eyebrow, ear and nose hairs that you can name. If you are looking across the table and can’t tell where the nose hairs end and the mustache begins. Deal Breaker! However, if a guy has a magnifying mirror in his bathroom and knows what man-scaping means.

He might be a keeper! Continue dating.

No Deodorant or Deodorant that Does Not Works

Instant close-up mood killer. No one wants to breath in rank musty pits that might need ball shaped shoe deodorizers under each arm to take it down a notch.

Man Boobs

No one has issue with man pecs, as in Jason Statham and Dwayne Johnson.

Not even jealous guys. Ladies, I mean the jelly, wobbly kind of man boobs that actually need a bandeau bra. The kind where you are not sure who has the bigger breasts, you or him. If they jiggle too much when he walks fast, get out or get him a man bra.

Double Pleated Chino Pants

If your father wore them, the guy you are considering dating should not, no matter how much he says they let his crotch breath. Why does his crotch need to breath so much anyway?

Just saying.

Excessive Grabbing and Touching of His Own Crotch

We all have issue with the grabbing of others crotches these days. Rightfully so.

However, there are some guys that during a perfectly random and light convo are grabbing themselves. What the heck is up with that? Is there something so wrong down there that it must be publicly grabbed all the time? Get some jock itch powder and clear that up.

Don’t call me again.

Bad Calloused Feet with Yellow Long Toe Nails

I just can’t talk about this one. Ask Eddy Murphy.

Large Middle Roll Sporting a Tight Tee

Yes, there are plenty of acceptable dad bods out there. A little extra around the middle is a battle of age that is hard to win. Perhaps that is just a little bit of love to hold onto. Plus, it gives us ladies some room for reciprocity. However, wearing a tight body clinging tee on top of those extra-large love handles just says that he does not own a full-length mirror and/or has a really hot dryer and only one tee.

Maybe suggesting a bigger shirt and a mirror might be enough. You judge.

Poor Dental Hygiene

If someone does not care for their mouth, do you really want that mouth near yours or anywhere for that matter. Yuck and Yikes. If they use whitening stripes though, kudos to them.

Smoking

Mostly a Deal Breaker. Not only for the long-term health consequences but no body except another chimney mouth can tolerate it for very long. It’s like having onions or garlic, tolerated by both parties when shared by both parties.

Beards

Opinions vary. If he can pull off a manicured 72-hour shadow beard and his beard is no longer than his hair, it is possible. When his beard is longer than his balding head, well his face just looks upside down, except for Sean Connery.

I know millennials are trying to make the ZZ Top beard return to it’s former glory. I get it, less maintenance. However, unless he actually is a millennial, he just looks like an old mountain man with grey shredded wheat on his face.

A Word of Final Advice.…….

Ladies, as you go out, into this new and personal reality series known as mature dating, be mindful. This is just a guiding list. Sure, I know, it reads as superficial and definitely judgmental, but don’t be silly, we are all exactly that. We just need to get past the superficial parts of ourselves to get to the core of others and in order to do that, they must pass some basic requirements.

We can and we do compromise on lots of things. The reality is that some things are just big deal turn offs. Sounds harsh, but it is true. So be it! I apologize for nothing.

I am here to make it real.

I am confident in my list, because guess what? I also know that your Datee has their own “Deal Breaker’s” list. Uh huh. Yes. Yes. They do.

So, GF go out there and have some fun. Life is a journey of surprises. Just remember that you can say no, or yes to any Datee. It is your choice and yours alone to choose what you are willing to accept. My ladies have spoken. I send you their message.